The Grockle’s Guide To Devon

Devon, in case you didn’t know, is a county in south western UK, and is astoundingly beautiful. Renowned for its hills, beaches, wildness, and natural beauty, as well as it’s great weather (by British standards). All of this makes Devon a perfect holiday destination, and millions of people visit the county each year.

Devon is also known for a number of other things, such as hedgerows either side of lanes, and narrow rural lanes.

What’s a grockle?

If you are a regular visitor to Devon, but not a holidaymaker, you will be known to locals as an incomer. If you’re a holidaymaker, however, you’ll be known as a grockle.

Grockle is not a derogatory term, but some grockles are not welcome, while others are welcomed back with a smile, year after year.

Getting back to the Grockle’s Guide To Devon, there are some incredibly important and light-hearted things you need to understand before coming to Devon.

The Grockle’s Guide To Devon

  1. You cannot escape the fact that you’re a grockle. Your behaviour will give it away, long before anything else. However, trying to pretend that you’re not one can be most amusing to us.
  2. Learn how to reverse. If you’re unable to reverse your car for at least 500 metres, along a narrow, windy rural lane, go on a city break in London, instead of visiting Devon.
  3. Hedges don’t jump out at your car, and you can (and will have to!) drive closer than 2 metres away from the hedge. Top tip: if your left wing mirror is just touching the hedgerow, you’re about right.
  4. Leave your SUV at the county border. No seriously, if you can’t reverse your panzerwagon, and can’t drive close to the hedge, all you’ll achieve is traffic chaos, and we can all do without that.
  5. Don’t bring your grocklebox! In case you’re unaware, a grocklebox is what you call a caravan. If you insist on bringing your grocklebox, stay on main roads, and book yourself on an advanced towing course. If you cannot reverse with a grocklebox, then you really should sell it.
  6. No, you cannot park there! You’re on holiday. In Devon. That means you will have to get out of your car and walk. Yes, even a mile or two at times, to avoid total carnage from having left your panzerwagon in a place that prevents huge farming vehicles from getting past.
  7. Priority on the lanes is simple to determine: the vehicle already in the narrow bit has priority (yes, even if a bicycle). When 2 vehicles encounter each other, the one going uphill has priority. Finally, even if the other factors suggested you have priority, the driver nearest a passing place must reverse.
  8. We have LOADS of great picnic spots. If you can carry everything for your picnic to such a spot, then you can carry it back again. Please don’t leave your litter behind? And no, “But the bins were full” isn’t an excuse – just take your litter back with you.
  9. We understand that grockles spend money, boosting the local economy, and we’re hugely grateful for that. Please do ensure you spend money in local, independent shops, and try to avoid retail chains, or worse, arriving with a boot full of groceries?
  10. We say “Please” and “Thank you”, and we highly encourage you to do so, too.
  11. Smile. You’re on holiday, in a beautiful place, home to some extremely friendly people. Smell that clean country air, take in the views, slow down, and relax. That’s the real reason you came here, isn’t it?
  12. Some pubs have “locals rates”. You’re not a local. In a non-COVID world, you’re not here to visit the pub on a sleeting and freezing winter’s day, but locals are. WE keep the pubs going, hence the locals rates. Please don’t offend the publican by asking for locals rates?
  13. It isn’t all about your money. We could earn far more, by moving to London, Birmingham or Manchester. Instead, we chose to have a better quality of life, rather than more money, so please understand that money alone doesn’t impress us.
  14. We enjoy your company, and we like you visiting. We’re aware how much our economy depends on you, but we’re equally aware that we pay far higher water rates, and council tax, precisely because we’re at least partially subsidising the services you enjoy while on holiday here.
  15. We may speak with a different accent to you, which makes life interesting. Taking the mick out of one another’s accent can be a laugh, but please keep it friendly.
  16. Slow down. Life in Devon is lived at a slower pace, and consequently enjoyed more. Follow our lead here – you’ll enjoy your holiday more if you do.
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In conclusion

A holiday in Devon offers you so much. Within the same day, you could visit stunning beaches, and open moorland. Dartmoor is England’s last remaining true wilderness.
Devon is hauntingly beautiful, and we have some of the best weather in the UK.

Instead of rushing through airports, and being stuck in non-EU passport queues, simply take the train here, or follow the M5, then the A38 or A30. You will love visiting us. After all, Devon is heaven.

1 thought on “The Grockle’s Guide To Devon”

  1. What amuses me about grockles, is they spend all day in queueing traffic to reach SW England, and all day in similar queues to get home; and yet the weather where they go to is often far worse than that enjoyed by their neighbours who stayed at home.

    Reply

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